Midlife Breakthroughs vs Breakdowns + Being DYNAMIC
Photo by Tyler Casey from Unsplash
As you've maybe noticed, there has been a recent flurry of media attention around midlife women’s health and (peri) menopause. At first I though I was seeing all of this because the social media algorithm had found me as a midlife woman, working with other midlife woman. But it IS actually happening.
Menopause affects woman in the workplace.
Menopause is a crucial time for minimizing the risk of Alzheimer's Disease
And now Oprah has a new series The Life You Want - helping normalize and destigmatize menopause.
I’m especially digging the discussion around what some call the midlife ‘breakthrough’ versus midlife ‘breakdown’. I talk with tired midlife women every day, so this comes up.
My friend and colleague Annie Bray is a somatic coach and has an incredible blog you can check out here. A few weeks ago she wrote an awesome article on how, during rites of passage like midlife, we breakthrough instead of breakdown. This quote, in particular, has stuck with me:
“I notice my clients often have a potent energy close to the surface. The kind that wants to flip the table and walk out of the room, that longs to call bullshit on the Rolodex of absurdities and that sometimes—frighteningly—feels like it could turn into the movie version of a nervous breakdown.”
I see this potent energy with my midlife clients too – especially women. That longing to call bullshit is often the precursor to the breakthrough – it’s a necessary part of a transformation that midlife asks of us - to care for ourselves and find joy – in ways we have not before. The status quo no longer works - we have to become more dynamic because we ARE more dynamic.
A peek at our hormone cycles is great evidence of this variant ebb and flow that is moving inside of us. Look at how our sleep is changing. Look at how our tolerance for different things is shifting: certain foods, uncomfortable shoes (maybe?), nosy neighbours, really late nights, etc. As our hormones change so do our needs.
What does ‘dynamic’ mean for you?
Of course, there isn’t one answer but in speaking with midlife women the throughline seems to be something like:
“It’s about getting to know myself so well, that external advice and validations become less important than my internal compass. More self-trust, means change becomes less threatening and easier to roll with.”
Self-care is no longer about ‘doing the thing’ we’re told we should be doing, like going for a run, eating more chia seeds or meditating (although those may be things you want to do). It’s about listening to what our body-minds are telling us we need and finding joyful ways to respond to that call. It’s no longer performative or comes from a place of ‘shoulding.’
As Dr. Pooja Lakshmin highlights in her book Real Self-Care – it’s not about the thing you do but instead, it’s about how you do it. It’s not about going to the yoga class, it’s about how you feel when you do. Self-care becomes about letting our values guide how we spend our time and energy – it’s about decisions more than creating habits (because habits can block that dynamic force).
What does this have to do with sleep?
Everything! In midlife, our sleep changes and with it comes a nudge to update rhythms, routines, and boundaries.
To keep our sleep going well understanding sleep science and hormonal health is important – there are some fairly universal recommendations that will help most people sleep better and not all of them are common sense...AND dynamic midlife women will find tending to their own sleep requires some reflection and tuning into what feels good, when and why – and really listening to themselves.
